(Sits in an old armchair. He is reading a novel. There is a knock on the door. He puts the book down and looks up. His neighbour James enters.)

"Hi Mark. I’m on the scrounge."

(He stops and notices Mark’s book.)

What are you reading? Is it any good?"

(Explains the story so far to James.)

"It’s called ‘Triangulated’. It’s a gripping story based on an unlikely mixture of characters. There’s the immoral wrongdoings by Percy Pimple the profiteer, the non-complaining Mickey Mute the suppressed man-in-the-middle and the valiant attempts by Righteous Robin the victimised defender-of-the-right to bring the wrongdoings to an end. That’s what makes it different. Most books have goodies and baddies. This has the man-in-the-middle too."

(He stops to see if James is still listening.)

"So far, I reckon that Mickey Mute is the hero."

(Looks curious.)

"I see. So how did they come together?"

"They live next to one-another in a block of flats. These three characters form a love/hate triangle from which, it seems the only solution, is the death of one of them. But don’t ask me which one dies. I haven’t got that far yet."

"Brothers, did I hear the word ‘death’?"

(He rubs his hands in glee.)

"One third of my business comes from death. Without death, I’d be up the creek. Caput. Stony broke. So if you have a death and are looking for a sympathetic passing away ceremony, I’m your man."

"It’s in a book. It’s a fictitious death. Not a real one. Not much business for you there Frank."

(Looks glum.) "Oh. That."

(He turns and vanishes.)

(Looks at Mark.)

"I think Frank exploits people. He’s like a leach. He lives off their misfortunes. Why doesn’t he get a real job? He’s like all vicars. He’s never done a real day’s work in his life."

(Looks puzzled at James’ attack.)

"He’s not that bad."

"You’re too soft Mark. Too comfortable. Too contented. Too laid back. You can’t see all that’s going on in the bad world."

(Recognises it as his.) "That’s my door. It’ll be Jezebel. I must go. See you later."

(James exits.)

(Sits and wonders.)

"I wonder what James was going to scrounge?"

(He continues talking to himself.)

"Yes Mickey Mute is the hero. Perhaps I’m a bit like him. James said that I was too laid back. Yes I’m Mickey alright."

(There is a pause. Mark continues.)

"Come to think about it, James could easily be the immoral Percy Pimple. James is always up to tricks. Him and that Jezebel. He could be her pimp for all I know. They are coming and going all day and night. He doesn’t have a proper job himself so why is he laying into Frank like that?"

(He sits and smiles.) "And that would leave our reverend Frank. Yes, he fits the role of Righteous Robin. Yes, how appropriate."

(He chuckles. He yawns and drops off to sleep.)

(He is still reading. He finishes the book. He flips it closed, slams it down and looks angry.)

"Of all the dirty tricks, I never suspected that."

(Jumps out of his seat and backs into the furthest corner away from James.)

(Smiles.) "Easy man. I was after some mint sauce. Do you have any?"

(Points.) "Yes, over there". (He points again)

(He puts the knife down. He picks the sauce up and reads the label.)

"Thanks. I do appreciate this. I’ve got my mother for lunch and she loves mint sauce on her lamb. This is her favourite brand."

(He exits looking at the jar and leaving the knife.)

(Comes out of the corner and looks at the knife.) "Whew that was a close one."

(Smiles.) "Hi Frank. Am I glad to see you. I just had a bad experience with James."

(Smiles back.) "Hi Mark. Did you know that I’m slipping behind in the diocese? We have the worst death rate for ten years. Its all these people giving up smoking."

(Smiles.) "Don’t worry Frank. It will average itself out in the long run."

(Looks angry)

"I can’t wait for that. What’s this?"

(He looks at the knife)

(Looks at the knife too.)

"It’s James’ carving knife. He forgot it. He’ll be back for it in a minute."

(Picks up a cloth. He wraps it round his hand. Then he picks up the knife. He points it at Mark.) "James’ knife you say. Interesting."

(There is a pause.) "Brother Mark I recall that you were going to make your will out to the local church weren’t you?"

(Looks puzzled.) "Actually, all my worldly wealth will go to the local cats home."

(Moves close to Mark and points the knife at his throat.) "Not today buddy."

(Frank pulls a will from his jacket pocket.)

"Sign this here. Date it with the same date as the two witnesses used. See there."

(Frank pulls a pen from his jacket and hands it to Mark.)

(Frowns.) "What’s going on? I have no intention of signing anything without it being checked by my solicitor."

"Your solicitor eh?"

(Frank lifts Marks chin with the point of the knife.)

"You won’t have a solicitor if you carry on like this."

(Frank laughs wickedly.)

"Correction. Your solicitor won’t have you."

(Looks serious. Picks up the pen and signs.)

"There’s a good chap. Thanks for being so co-operative. The church is most grateful. Your reward will be in heaven. God bless."

(Frank lowers the knife and turns to leave, then thinks better of it and turns back.)

"By the way, tell me more about that fictitious death you were reading about. How did it end?"

(Raises the knife and speaks menacingly)

"Go on. Tell me. I promise on the good Lord’s name, not to tell a soul."

"Alright. Alright. It ended with the baddie, Percy Pimple, stabbing the man-in-the-middle to death. Are you happy now?"

"You’re quite right. I haven’t a clue who Percy Pimple is. I think Righteous Robin did it"

(Frank Laughs wickedly and points the knife at Mark’s chest.)

(Grimaces and lunges as if stabbing Mark.)

(Slumps down dead.)