The National Sympathy Society is a charity formed to make substantial one-off payments to anyone who has fallen on bad times. It provides a source of pick-you-up support and is paid, at the discretion of the trustees Committee, to people such as those who have been robbed, those who have lost all their money, those who are homeless, penniless or otherwise destitute.

(Walks in)

Good morning. How can we help you?

(In an Irish Accent)

My name is Paddy O’Brien. I call myself a footballer because long ago I played in a match for Accrington Stanley in the fourth division. That was the last job I had. I didn’t get a second game because at half time I got into an argument with the coach and nearly came to blows. The coach put me on the left wing for the second half and instructed the rest of the team not to pass the ball to me.

Accrington Stanley Eh? That was some time ago no doubt. Do you need some financial support?

Yes Governor. I "lost" my money in a freak accident. I bet my mate Murphy "everything I owned" that the world would end "by the morrow". When the morrow came, plainly the world has not ended and I had to pay up.

I see. Well Paddy you seem to be a suitable recipient. Here’s five hundred pounds.

(He writes out a cheque and hands it to Paddy.)

(Smiles gratefully.)

Tanks very much.

(Walks in)

Good morning Paddy. How can we help you?

(In an Irish Accent)

It seems that I’ve had another one of those freak accidents.

Oh dear. I’m so sorry Paddy but we can only give you one grant a year.

(Looks sad.)

The charity derives its income from grant agencies that distribute lottery money. Every year it fills in some forms and is given about thirty thousand pounds to spend, with scarcely a question asked.

Even after six years of successful applications, the trustees on the committee did not understand the grant forms, so employed a secretary to complete them and submit them to the grant agency, aptly named ‘Awards for You’.

Because they had been successful the first time they applied, the secretary at the time, known to them all affectionately, as Felicity Fundraiser, had been the role model for all subsequent secretaries.

Unfortunately Felicity left the company after the Chairman had made unwanted advances during their tea break.

Three people have applied for the vacant job of Assistant Secretary to the National Sympathy Society. They are Mary, Jane and Barbara.

Rather than interview new applicants, I think we should ask each of them to complete a simple test. It will consist of completing one of the boxes on the fundraising form. The model answer, should make three points. If the applicant makes the same three points as Felicity made, all those years ago, the job is theirs.

(Enters and sits in chair.)

Good morning, I am the Chairman of The National Sympathy Society and this is our Treasurer. The Society was formed several years ago as a charity to ….

[Fade out. Fade in]

And so… Are there any questions about things so far?

Are there any younger trustees on the committee?

No, most of the senior positioned are filled with skilled executives.

OK?

(Nods her head.)

Right, let’s press on.

(He hands a form to Mary)

What we need now is someone to help us apply for grants. There are three applicants for the post. To help us decide between them, we have a devised a simple test. We ask you to complete a question on this grant form. You should write down three points describing why we should be given the grant.

(Gets out a pen and writes on the form.)

There you are, sir.

Thankyou. Please wait outside until we have seen the other candidates.

(Goes out of the room.)

(The Chairman looked at Mary’s reply.)

"One right"

(He and the Treasurer look at one another in relief.)

I didn’t like the way she asked if there were any younger trustees on the committee.

"Three right for Jane".

(They smile at one another.)

I think that Jane is the friendly one who will bring us all cups of tea with motherly care.

"Two right for Barbara".

(They smile at one another.)

Well that decides it. Jane it is. We both agreed, it is a good result. And it couldn’t have been fairer.

(He goes over to the door. Opens it and calls out:)

Jane.

(Enters and sits.)

We are delighted to tell you that

Oh Thankyou. I’m delighted.

(Is at her desk. She starts work and gets down to the business in hand, completing and returning the grant forms. She breezes through it.)

[Show clock 5.30pm.]

(By the end of the day, she has completed it. She places the form in the Chairman’s in-tray for him to check and sign.)

(Signs the form, puts it in an envelope and puts it in the "out" tray.)

(Picks up letter, opens it and reads it. He smiles)

Jane! Jane! You have done it. The Sympathy Society have been given a bumper grant of thirty five thousand pounds.

(He waves the cheque in the air.)

I think that is good reason to have a celebratory party.

(Walks in)

"Hi there lads, have you got a buck for a broke footballer?"

(Smiles back)

"Hi Paddy, you know the rules. One payment only."

"Fair enough. Can I buy you a drink?"

(Produces a wallet bulging with notes.)

(Pointing at the wallet.)

"How did you come by that?"

"Ah. I took a leaf out of your book, I’m now a registered Charity, PFR, short for Proactive Famine Relief, or as I like to call it, Paddy’s Financial Refreshment. Felicity helped me get a grant for fifty five thousand pounds last week. How are you doing?"

(Blushes.)

"OK. thanks"